hotel room ftw
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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