i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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