I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I believe in your delicious
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
