hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
