I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
