i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
