Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
