Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
