I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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