does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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