On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
