I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
