I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
