one might say we're banned from that church
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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