Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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