I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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