WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
