you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
