Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
