What did we do last night that was yellow?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
