Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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