Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
