i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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