After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
