I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
