6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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