I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
