Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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