He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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