new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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