My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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