I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
