I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
