And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
