the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
