neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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