Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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