DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
