mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
we're so committed to being not committed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
