So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
