dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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