I want to stick my p in your. b.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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