put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Randomize
