I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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