Say something about gay babies.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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