Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
