if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
