the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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