I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
