I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
